The Worst First Date Mistake and How to Avoid it

Picture of a woman disappointed and having a bad first date. The man she's dating doesn't know how to date well, so he's making mistakes because he made the first date mistake

How to Steer Clear of this First Date Mistake

First date impressions are so important. Avoid this common pitfall to ensure success.

Crap dating advice is everywhere. It really is. And what’s worse, until you’ve done a lot of dating, especially when it comes to the first date, it’s hard to separate the good dating advice from the shit. Whatever you do, please do not make this first date mistake.

In this post I’m going to talk about one of the most common dating myths out there and why it’s so subtle, yet fatal to your dating success. This particular piece of ‘conventional wisdom’ is the most common reason for dull and unsuccessful first dates between men and women who would, could and indeed SHOULD end up together. Like sex, dating, and marriage, ending up together.

What is this first date mistake? What is this awful lie? What is this horrendous and deceitful fallacy, I hear you ask? It’s the idea that you go on a date with someone to… ‘get to know them.’

[Insert gasp of horror here.]

OK, I can guess that you’re probably a little underwhelmed by my villainous portrayal of this seemingly reasonable approach to dating (asking questions to get to know her). But that’s the problem right there! Because the idea of going on a date to get to know someone seems so intuitively right. People literally follow this approach, question by question, and before they know it, they’re having bad, awkward and boring dates and left wondering WHAT HAPPENED?!?

Well, I’m gonna tell you exactly why and how to avoid the mundane, the boring and the least likely to deliver results in love.

The magic formula for having the best first date ever

Now you know, the worst first date mistake is getting to know someone. So, instead of just trying to get to know someone when meeting them for the first time, or heading out on your first date, here’s what you should really be doing.

Note: This list is laid out in sequence in order of importance:

  1. Have fun – Always enjoy yourself and the company that you’re with. This is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING that you can do on a date.  Also, if you happen to feel attracted to your date, you should move on to step 2.
  2. Build attraction – Say and do things to make your date like you. Check out my article, How to Have the Best First Date, Every Time, to get more insights on having fun and building attraction. Once you’ve built enough attraction (you’ll know this because you’ve read the article on attraction, and you’ll see her attraction indicators) then move on to step 3.
  3. Build a connection –Now you’ve finally reached the ‘get to know her’ phase, but you should only go here AFTER you’re having fun and built enough attraction. Building a connection is all about really getting to know one another, building trust and becoming comfortable with each other. After you’ve build enough connection, then move on to step 4.
  4. Build sexual intimacy and seduce her – I’m presuming you wanna sleep with her, right?

Do you see the difference between this approach and the conventional ‘getting to know you’ crapshoot?

If you’re not getting it yet, let me show you an example of a typical ‘getting to know you’ first date conversation.

Does this sound familiar?

You: “Hey nice to finally meet you in person…  So, tell me a bit more about yourself, what do you do for work?”

Her: “I’m an architect. And you?”

You: “I’m an accountant…  And what brought you to NYC?”

Her: “Work. And you?

You: “Work too… ” [Awkward pause while you think up next question.]

You: “So, do you have any brothers or sisters?”

Zzzzzz… Kill me with boredom now. This is the kind of routine, same old, interview rut approach that so many people fall into when they’re dating with the mindset of ‘getting to know you’. It’s honestly just a dry and meaningless exchange of facts, serving more as an interview than a hot and romantic encounter. It’s boring, unnatural and totally unsexy. It’s a huge first date mistake that you don’t want to make, or there likely won’t be a second date.

Let’s put it this way: Interviews aint sexy

 

And this boring conversational pattern and ho hum behavior is a costly trap to fall into. The most common reasons women give for not going on a second date with a guy is because they lacked attraction or didn’t have enough fun with the guy they’d been out with. Women never refuse a second date because they didn’t ‘get to know’ the guy well enough.

Women don’t decline second dates because they didn’t learn enough about you.
They turn you down because they didn’t have fun with you, or weren’t attracted to you.

 

This reality is a dreadful shame, because by the time you’ve gotten out on your first date, you’ve already gone to all the effort of impressing her in person or online, arranging the date and then going out on the date… Only to blow it.

Way too many guys and girls fall into the trap of trying to get to know each other before having fun and building attraction with one another. I get it, most people don’t really know what they’re doing on a first date. So really it’s no surprise then that so many of these same people complain that dating is such an awkward and grueling process. It’s because they’re doing it all wrong. Duh?

On a date, fun trumps facts!

 

Even I’ve been on dates before where my date has asked tons of boring questions, one after another and I’ve answered them in an embarrassingly boring way and then BOOM! I totally derailed the fun vibe of the date and had to try really hard to get things back on track.

The tendency to ask and respond to boring questions is hard to avoid – we almost do it without thinking or at least without knowing any better.

Remember: Dates don’t have to be dull interviews and nor should they be. Especially first dates where first impressions are SO important. If we all focused more on having fun and building attraction first, every first date would be a lot more exciting, flirtatious and successful.

The DateSchool First Date Equation:

Fun + Attraction = 2nd date

 

By now, I’m sure you can see the sense of having fun and building attraction should happen before attempting to get to know your date. This simple formula will help you become more comfortable on dates, enjoy them more and ultimately be at least three times more successful too.

For tried and tested approaches to having more fun on your dates, check out my blog post on the topic. And to really get to the heart of the issue and become consistently successful on each and every date that you are on, learn more about being more attractive. Greatness awaits you, my friend.

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