Why you need to build attraction with women, naturally

Learn why it's important to build attraction with women

How to Build Attraction With Women: Your To Do List

Once I learned how to build attraction with women naturally, my relationship success and sex life changed forever.

It got WAY better.

Attraction is an insanely powerful law of nature which, mostly subconsciously, we all obey. There are ways in which to build attraction with women, that you likely aren’t even aware of.

When we feel attracted to someone, the neurochemicals and hormones of attraction course through our bodies. They hijack our thoughts and urges and accelerate our heartbeat in ways that seem completely outside of our control.  That’s the power of attraction in action – when we feel really attracted to someone; we become effectively powerless to stop it.

The feeling of attraction drives natural processes in your mind and body without you even thinking about it. If you’ve felt strongly attracted to someone before, you’ll know that it isn’t something that you decided upon – it just happened.  Feeling attracted to someone like this isn’t a matter of choice and nor do you have that much control over it either.

“Attraction is not a choice”
-David DeAngelo, Dating Coach


We don’t get to choose who we feel attracted to. Our primal instincts and the wiring in our brains do that for us, which is based on our genes, upbringing and the traits and qualities of the hottie that we see standing before us.

Yes, like myself and all of my coaching clients, once you learn the power of attraction and are then able to harness it to attract women around you, only THEN will you experience the BIGGEST STEP-CHANGE in YOUR SEX LIFE since that time, long ago, when you first discovered pornography.

Let’s get started making this real for you right now.

What is attraction?

Attraction can mean different things to different people, so I’ll introduce DateSchool’s definition of it, which is used consistently throughout our articles and learning materials.

Attraction is the feeling of natural desire that you feel for someone. It’s a natural gut-feeling, which hijacks your emotions, mind and body, urging you to get closer and more intimate with the person you feel attracted to.

“Attraction can provide a link to another human so irresistible that it feels like an enchantment, one that renders all other needs and duties oddly meaningless, tiresome and irrelevant.”
– Deborah Orr, the Independent


You might also hear attraction referred to as ‘chemistry’, a ‘spark’ or other similar terms that characterize it as a spontaneous and powerful force of nature which brings people together.

Why is attraction important in dating?

If you haven’t figured this out already, I’ll state it plainly:

The purpose of going on a date is to build attraction.

If you haven’t built attraction successfully on your first date, then there probably won’t be a second date on the cards for you.

The most common reason for women not wanting to go on a second date with a guy is that there was no “chemistry”, no “spark” or “we just didn’t click” – all of these terms are synonymous with a lack of attraction.

Conversely, when a woman DOES feels attracted to you, she will:

  1. Want to get to know you better (aka go on a second date)– She’ll become naturally and instinctively intrigued by you. She’ll ask you questions, be genuinely fascinated by your answers and she’ll always be interested in what you have to say, even if you aren’t saying anything that’s particularly fascinating or interesting.
  2. Feel like she might want to have sex with you – For a woman to want to sleep with you, she first MUST feel attracted to you. It’s a simple law of nature. Deep connection and long-term compatibility may be more important to some women than others, but attraction is an absolute MUST for all. Building attraction with a woman will keep you out of the friend zone and secure your spot in the love zone.
  3. Show that she’s interested in you – She’ll deliberately and/or subconsciously start conveying her interest and her desire for you to take things further with her. You’ll see her attraction indicators in the way that she looks at you, talks to you and touches you.
  4. Pay attention to you – She’ll start to notice when you are around and when you’re absent. When you talk, she’ll listen to what you say and when you make a joke, she’ll probably laugh, even if it isn’t funny. If a woman is in a relationship, this may not hinder her attraction to you, so be aware if she is tuning in.
  5. Stick around – Lack of attraction or ‘chemistry’, is the number one reason why women don’t call back or want another date. Attraction also keeps couples together over the long-term. Attraction is just as important when you are decades into your relationship as it is during the honeymoon phase.

Attraction is nature’s way of telling a woman, “This guy should father your children – stick with him and shag his brains out!”

And needless to say, this is EXACTLY what you want women to be thinking and feeling when they’re on a date with you.

So your first order of business when you’re with a woman that you like (e.g. on a first date, picking her up in a bar, or anywhere else) is to BUILD ATTRACTION.

Now all you need to know is how to build attraction with women.

How do I build attraction with women?

Building attraction with women is a 2-step process:

  1. Be(come) attractive – you need to be or become attractive to women in the first place.
  2. Convey attractiveness – develop the skill of demonstrating your attractive qualities SUBTLY (i.e. without bragging or showing-off). You’ll know that you’ve successfully built attraction with her because you’ll see “attraction indicators”.

So there it is. Here’s the simple and proven 2-step formula that will take you from having an OK first date to DEFINITELY having a second date, which might even start the morning after, once you wake up together. You’re welcome.

For the remainder of this post, I’ll expand on each of these for you to make them more easy to follow and more actionable for you.

Step 1 – Be(come) attractive

In DateSchool when I talk about being attractive, I mean something more than just physical good looks; I mean the whole package, your presence, personality, social status and sexual attitude. Bundle all of that up together and now you’ve got a complete picture of how attractive you really are to the women around you.

Why do I consider all of these qualities as being part of a man’s attractiveness, you ask?  That’s because women take all of these things into account when choosing their sexual partners, and their perspective is the only one that counts in the hetero dating world.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t some calculated spreadsheet exercise that women do, but rather a gut feeling, based on impulse, that happens in mere fractions of a second. It happens as quickly as you catching the eye of a curvy hottie walking down the road and your heart instantly starts beating a little faster.

So your first step in building attraction with women, is to BE or BECOME your most attractive.  Again, I don’t just mean physically, but also in your personality, your social status and sexual attitude too. Becoming your most attractive is about accentuating the most attractive aspects of your being and simultaneously downplaying or eliminating the least attractive aspects (i.e. the things that turn her off).

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”
– Ernest Hemingway

There’s an entire DateSchool Masterclass devoted to becoming your most attractive and it’s the best course that’s out there on this topic (bias aside). It will help you make some TREMENDOUS mindset and lifestyle changes that will significantly and permanently enhance your attractiveness and transform your love life in a matter of weeks. But in this post I’m going to give you just a few key pointers to get you started.

Attractive presence

You won’t be surprised to find that women are more attracted to guys who are good looking, tall and well toned.  What you might not know though is that grooming and masculine body language is equally important. What do your dress-sense, grooming and personal style say about who you are?

Your body language is a particularly important aspect of your presence that most guys need to work on, mainly because your body language will expose how confident or nervous you’re feeling. How are you looking at her and touching her? Are you coming across as comfortable or awkward? Do you even know what your body language is saying about you right now? What happens when you catch her eye – do you look away first or does she?

Increase your Attractiveness Tip #1 – Strong Eye Contact

Here’s a great way to make sure that you’re making the right amount of eye contact with the right intensity – study the colour of her eye and try to remember it. To make this easier, pick one eye to study, don’t flick between them both!  Make it your mission to always be able to remember the eye color of every woman that you interact with.

Attractive personality

Developing a more attractive personality isn’t about fundamentally changing who you are as a person or pretending to be someone else. That would be a dick move and it’s inauthentic too.

Instead it’s about understanding what traits women tend to like and dislike most in mens’ personalities, frankly and factually, so that you know which aspects of your personality you might want to develop and accentuate v.s. downplay or understate.

Having a good sense of humor and being fun and playful are some of the most attractive personality traits that you can have as a man.  They are even more attractive to women than good looks or money, so recent studies would show.

There are loads of ways to show your sense of humor and fun on a date (and I cover a few in this blog) but the core message is to not take yourself too seriously. Lighten up!  It takes a good man to be able to laugh at himself.

Increase your Attractiveness Tip #2 – Be Fun and Playful

Try out some of the fun and playful conversation pieces or touches that we suggest in this blog post. Find the ones that work best for you and make them your own!

Attractive social status

Across the animal kingdom, males with the highest social status get their pick of the best females, and females are naturally and instinctively drawn to the group’s leader. The same applies to humans too. Leaders naturally emerge in our social groups based on their contribution to the group and their earned respect, status and dominance within it.

How you treat your friends and family, and how in turn they treat you, says a lot about how much value and status you hold within that group. Women will pick up on this from the way that you talk about you friends and family and also from the way that you interact with other people around you, e.g. serving staff if you’re out at a bar or restaurant.

Increase your Attractiveness Tip #3 – Play the host with your friends and family

Come up with an idea for a fun activity for your friends and/or family and persuade them to get onboard with it. Then, make all of the arrangements to make it happen, and finally run it like a responsible and courteous host. This will boost the status you have within the group and give you something cool to talk about on your next date.

Attractive Sexual Attitude

What you think about women and how you think about yourself as a sexual partner have a HUGE impact on how you act towards women and in turn, how they treat you.

There is a way of thinking about women; a certain outlook and a set of beliefs, which isto  be attractive. Men tend to develop this attitude naturally as they spend more time with women, both in sexual and social relationships.

Think about this for a moment, why do women always seem to find you more attractive when you’re already in a relationship? There are two really good reasons for this:

  1. You seem more desirable to other women – Women universally recognize the seal of approval from another woman. This is especially powerful if the other woman is beautiful too.
  2. You act less interested – When you already have a woman, you genuinely feel and act like a man with options. You come across as a man of higher value, so women treat you like one.

So if you’re actively dating, it always helps to increase the number of women around you.  They’ll appear in pictures on your social media, they’ll introduce you to their friends and finally women (not men) make the BEST wingmen, when you’re trying to pick up other women.  The more women you have in your social network, the better.

Increase your Attractiveness Tip #4 – Build an entourage of women

Through hosting your social events (in tip #3) you’ll increase your network of women.  Build up a reputation as a good and attractive guy with your friend’s girlfriends and guess what, they’ll start introducing you to their single friends.

The guidance in this post and the four tips above should help set you off in the right direction in becoming more attractive. Don’t think though that this is all there is to it.  No, my friend the guidance in this post is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to attraction.

In the Natural Attraction Masterclass you’ll be given four weeks worth of strategies and exercises to transform your attractiveness fundamentally and permanently. You’ll become more inherently and naturally attractive to women through the eight attractive traits and by eliminating the ways that you’re likely (and unknowingly) turning women off.

Step 2 – Convey Attractiveness

My friend, it’s not enough for you to just be attractive and have lots of attractive qualities, you need a way of communicating these to the beauty next to you quickly and powerfully. And here’s why…

On a date, time is short and you don’t have long to make a first impression. You need to show your attractive traits in a condensed way to give your date a ‘preview’ of what else is in store for her if you end up having a relationship together. If you don’t show enough attractive traits quickly enough, there won’t be a second date, so the opportunity is yours to lose, my friend.

So how exactly do you convey your attractive traits quickly and powerfully to make a first impression? It’s helpful to vary your methods according to the situation that you’re in with the woman that you and her are in. Are you talking on the phone or in person? Are other people around you or not.

In the next section of this post I’ll guide you through a few of my favorite ways to convey attractiveness, categorized by the context or situation that you’re in. These are real-life approaches that are tried, tested and WORK consistently every time.

In Person – One-on-One

Imagine that it’s just you and her alone together. You might be in a bar or restaurant, but it just you and her out together, without any of her friends or your friends around.

When you are both face to face like this, there’s so much that a woman can notice and learn about who you are through your appearance, body language, personality, sexual confidence and so on. By having her undivided attention, you stand your best chance of conveying a few attractive traits strongly and quickly.

When I’m with a woman face-to-face, these are the traits that I aim to demonstrate to her, and how I go about doing it.

Masculine body language – I like to convey confidence, coolness and calmness by the way I move (slowly and deliberately), the tone and pace of my speech (calm and deep) and my eye contact (strong and unflinching).

Sharp appearance – I like to plan first dates at the end of my working day so that I’m in business attire; a well-fitted suit with a pocket square and cufflinks. All women love a good suit, and sharp business dress shows a certain level of ambition and achievement too.

A well-tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men
–  Unknown

Sense of humour and fun – I’m playful and always flirt; hi-fiving, twirling her or giving her a smack on the hand or bum or a light punch in the arm. I will even playfully shove her into something if we’re walking down the road together.

Sexual attitude – I show my sexual confidence and sexual intent through strong eye contact and touch. I hug and touch from the very start of a date and pause before answering her questions so that we’re looking at each other without talking and to show that I’m not nervous about looking at her in silence. I’ll even sometimes build awkward pauses into the conversation to amplify the sexual tension too.

I’m sure that you can already appreciate that when done well and done together, these behaviours make an extremely strong and attractive impression with women in a very short amount of time.

Combining these attractive traits in this manner has led to a lot of one night stands, a lot of sex on first dates and the beginnings of very strong, passionate relationships. No matter what type of relationship you are currently looking for, this is the secret sauce recipe that works like magic.

In Person – Group Setting

When you’re with a woman in a group setting, you won’t have the intimacy to touch, flirt and converse as much as you could when just one-on-one. But, you can take advantage of the other men and women around you to help demonstrate your social status and desirability.

Leadership – I always aim to control and direct the conversation a few times by asking questions to individuals or the group. I also make a point of bringing the quieter people in the group into the conversation to make them feel more included. I do this by directing questions specifically to them or explicitly asking their opinion on something. This shows my protective nature and emotional intelligence too.

Note that you shouldn’t dominate the conversation by doing all of the talking, but by asking questions, directing and actively listening. She’ll notice how other people in the group are treating you and also the attention that you command with your social intuition and by ‘hosting’ the conversation.

Desirability– When other women are around, it’s a great opportunity to show desirability, which is an extremely powerful attractive trait when used well. I do this by being fun and interesting with strong masculine body language, and by leading the conversation.

As soon as the other women start showing me interest, I’ll know that the woman I’m with will pick up on this and start to feel more attracted to me too. I’ve now become even more desirable.

Note, that I don’t deliberately flirt (i.e. touch, show sexual intent or build sexual intimacy) with other women, because that would likely piss my date off. I demonstrate to the other women in the group that I’m a good guy, and a hot guy, but not a sleezy douchebag.


Storytelling is an essential and powerful skillset for savvy daters. Telling stories about the things you’ve done serves two purposes:

  1. Entertain and amuse – Show your emotional intelligence (through passionate and energetic delivery) and your sense of humour (through the punchline, ‘big reveal’ or irony of the anecdote).
  2. Convey (discreetly and subtly) your attractive qualities; i.e. Tell stories which indirectly demonstrate your ambition, leadership, or desirability. It’s important to note that when telling stories, your ambition, leadership and/or desirability to other women must be referenced indirectly – i.e. they must not become the focus of the story, otherwise it looks like you’re telling a pointless story, or worse yet, bragging.

For a fuller explanation of how to use attractive storytelling with examples and more detailed guidance, check out the Natural Attraction Masterclass.  The complete guide to storytelling for attractiveness is a bonus gift that you’ll get in Week 5.

Phone calls, emails and messages

That nifty little gadget in your pocket is a great tool for helping you build attraction between dates. Of course you can tell attractive stories through phone calls and messages, but here’s a bunch of other ways that I use my phone to demonstrate attractive traits:

Desirability – I show that I’m desirable and a challenge by not calling or texting too often, not using smiley faces and keeping my text messages generally a little shorter than hers. I have lots of pictures of me and my friends on my Facebook and other social media profiles, and guess what? Lots of my friends just happen to be pretty ladies. What’s even better is that I don’t have to take or post most of these pictures. They do, I get tagged in them and then they appear in my profile. Poof! It’s like magic.

Sense of humour – I use recall humour and nicknames in my calls and texts to keep her thinking of me and feeling attracted to me between dates.

Final thoughts on developing and conveying your awesomeness

There’s a lot of incredibly useful and valuable information in this post on how to build natural attraction, and develop and convey your attractive traits in different settings and ways. Don’t undervalue or underestimate this, because it really is the core component of whether women see you as attractive or not.

Also, don’t just read this information and then put it aside; apply it! Now. Like, RIGHT NOW!

Seriously, while this is all fresh in your head, get a notepad and start jotting down your attractive stories or the things that you’re going to do to boost your attractiveness on your next date, or at the next party or on your online profile. If you’re serious about this, there’s nothing like the Natural Attraction Masterclass, seriously no better training out there, so get enrolled and start building attraction into your daily habits today.

Let’s make it real and make it happen. True greatness awaits you.

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
– Anais Nin